But what if your heart is in a few different places?
18 November 2009
Winter takes what the summer had to say"...
11 November 2009
31 October 2009
I already did the halloween thing last week (pictured right with Carissa--generic super hero with anonymous greek goddess!). I went to a very fun, very "West Hollywood" party last week, and it was everything one would think a West Hollywood party would be. (Forgive the stereotype, but sometimes they perpetuate themselves, if ya know what I mean.) Talk about an amazing time to people watch and interact with some very, very friendly people! It was a time when I was able to appreciate all of things that Southern California has to offer, which is not something that occurs very frequently. :) Usually during this time of year, I find myself fighting the temptation of embitterment towards the fact that once again, I have been denied a proper Autumn. The leaves that are green have not turned to brown, to say the least (or red, yellow, or orange, for that matter).
28 October 2009
26 October 2009
21 October 2009
16 October 2009
21 September 2009
12 September 2009
10 September 2009
09 September 2009
That is why concession became a word that was more and more meaningful to her: its presence in her consciously accepted subconscious became the lens thru which she interpreted everything around her. The boom of every laugh was slightly muted. The brightness of the setting sun was less menacing. The immobility that gripped her, that sunk its claws into her open eyes every morning, as she would lie motionless on her back in bed was all because she had conceded to the fact that he had not. The painful glimmer of hope that she had used to taunt her own better judgement fell from its perch fruitless--as all things artificial suck the life out that from which it originates, yielding nothing by means of compost and promise. Lying between her sheets every morning, she enacts her concession, watching her blind, stupid hope flit down through the air like a plastic shopping bag caught in the wind, watching it inevitably sink, yet still thrusts itself upwards at times in a last ditch effort to fly again.
"You should be a bird," she always thinks, watching her un-recyclable, transparent hope dance before her on its way down, aiming to entice her with its artificial beauty. "I wanted you to be a bird."
She finishes her illicit rendezvous with her hope every morning by punching her loving and sympathetic pillow. They usually start out rapid and powerfully, the blow delivered by a fist clenched as tightly as the anatomy of the human hand allows. The punches were intended to create the most trauma and devastation to its target--a very pliable pillow personified as a very specific human face. As the satisfaction derived from what was imagined as the breaking of facial bones and eruption of blood vessels began to subside, so did the punching. That breaking point always occurred when she felt a tiny solitary tear escape; after the first tear, she quit with an added grace of pacifism and continued on with her day. She was determined to maintain some air of strength, convinced he didn't deserve more than just one of her tears each day. So on a particularly windy day in her imagination, she would spend a great deal of the time allotted to her morning routine aggressively slamming her fist into her pillow.
07 September 2009
something i was thinking about in terms of property: if we think that we own things, that means we feel entitled, and we also feel entitled to people. like, when i meet someone wonderful, my first reaction is that i deserve to be with them, because they are so great. and i get upset when i think that someone great doesn't want to be with me. like i am 'entitled' to 'own' the wonderfulness of that person, so to speak.
it just comes down to us not knowing/practicing how to love and marvel at something wonderful that was created, without feeling like we are entitled to own it/them: like, open spaces, food, art, things, people.
just some thoughts.
17 August 2009
25 April 2009
20 April 2009
That every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth
I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes around and everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die
12 April 2009
Pastor Josh: "Do any of you kids know what day it is?"
Josh: "Right! Do you know what Easter is about?"
Kid 1: "Umm, well, I thiiiiiink...eggs?"
Josh: "Well, yes, um...do you know what comes out of eggs?"
Kid 2 (son of pastor): "Oooh, oooh, I know! CANDY!"
Josh: "Any what else?"
Chorus of children: "MONEY!!!"
22 March 2009
19 March 2009
18 March 2009
12 March 2009
This is something else that made me happy to be Croatian (The red stitched pattern is now the background on my computer.)
That made me happy to legitimately feel connected to a place and history and people, even though those nouns and concepts have little to no affect on my daily life. I guess part of the American Curse is that we are forced to grasp on to any dangling end of any line of heritage we can, even though we were forced to cut our un-cuttable ties generations ago.
03 March 2009
26 February 2009
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy
When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures
While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut
And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Chorus (4 Xs)
Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
25 February 2009
23 February 2009
I kno that technology isnt the best wayof saying it, but I rally luv u. Alot.
Is luv alwys precise and carful? Isnt it a outpourig of the heart? I hope our childrn and grandchilren dont look at our emails someday and thnik, ‘i don know if he
contd.really luved her, because he wouldnt spell it right’. I hope they think, he luved her so much he couldnt wait for grammar to catch up.” Or sumthing like that. Ok, srry for such a
contd.long text, but i hope it makes u smile. ;)
19 February 2009
09 February 2009
It's not that you aren't good enough for him/her. In fact, it's usually the opposite...
A natural, organic love for the rejected emerges when you adopt their identity...
God meets the created in birth, water, and wind...
Hope is not naive. It may be the purest form of worship of all...
07 February 2009
Oh. And I impulsively got a hair cut. You likey?
And that is after sleeping on it. Not bad, eh?
05 February 2009
And through the darkness
On us he shined
Crucified in stone
Still his blood is my own
Glory behold all my eyes have seen
03 February 2009
30 January 2009
28 January 2009
Do the quiz yourself!
Your Core Skills
A natural academic, you have an extremely impressive capacity for deep analytical thinking. You are able to absorb and efficiently interpret extremely complex material. This is balanced with strong communications skills. You are confident about expressing yourself and feel most comfortable when channels of communication are open.
Potential Areas Of Weakness
You have a low tolerance for inefficiency or for muddled thinking and this may mean that you are reluctant to collaborate except with the most impressive minds you know. As a result, you may come across as arrogant and valuable contributions may be missed. Your need to think things through rigorously may mean that you fail to fulfill the potential of your dynamic creative mind.
Areas You Might Want To Work On
pay more attention to personal management tasks and time planning
make the effort to ensure that communication is two-way - actively encourage and listen to feedback from your colleagues
embrace your creative streak and allow yourself to make informed leaps of faith if required
Careers That May Suit You
SCIENTIFIC JOURNALIST UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR DETECTIVE FORENSIC PATHOLOGIST CONSULTANT
Your Detailed Personality Assessment
You clearly have an impressive and flexible intellect which you are able to apply successfully to whatever takes your fancy. You work best when you are energised by challenging ideas and concepts. You owe it to yourself to make sure that your work environment offers you maximum stimulation and satisfaction. By keeping things fresh you will find the buzz and intellectual reward that you need to keep you exhilarated. You have great potential when it comes to inspiring others so it would be really worthwhile to try to incorporate an element of this interaction into your daily work.
When it comes to leadership, you are a firm believer in conviviality. You like to be a friend as well as a boss. Job satisfaction lies in building strong relationships with the people you work with. But it's important to always be careful not to blur those boundaries.
You have a strong sense of wonder and enchantment at the world around you. You probably get a kick out of blue sky brainstorming.
You can sometimes be quite laid-back about achieving your goals. You tend to land on your feet and so you don't get too stressed about pushing too hard. You definitely have a good life-work balance. And it's true, sometimes success comes to those who don't seem too desperate. This healthy attitude is great so long as you don't come across as disinterested or lazy. It's important that you make sure your colleagues feel that you are pulling your weight.
You're feeling fairly laid-back about life right now. You're pretty content with the status quo. There's nothing major to stress you out so it makes sense just to take things gently and avoid any big dramas. It's not surprising that you're feeling upbeat. You seem to be getting a lot of satisfaction from your work. And this good feeling pervades the rest of your life.
The way you approach each day can have huge implications for your success in the workplace. Bouncing out of bed with a spring in your step doesn't exactly come naturally to you. You sometimes find it difficult to get moving in the mornings. It might be worth trying to reinvigorate your morning routine so that getting out of bed is more of a pleasure than a battle! That way you can face the day firing on all cylinders. If you haven't already, why not try exploring some evening relaxation techniques that might help you get the rest you need - whether it's yoga, a soak in the tub or even a full-on gym session. It could make all the difference.
You may not be looking for a new job right now but you're committed to understanding more about yourself and recognise how valuable this can be in terms of self-development. Life an feel like a bit of an endurance race sometimes. It's all about making sure that you have the stamina and commitment to go the distance. You seem to be quite pragmatic about the fact that work has its ups and downs, and this is a really healthy way to be, as long as this doesn't dampen your natural enthusiasm for life.