15 April 2008


I am carrying a little white stone with the word "HOPE." written on it in red permanent ink. Whenever I work on my senior sem paper, I set it out in front of me so I am always reminded that I am to live in hope for the future.

When this is over, I am going to place it next to a girl bathroom as an alter of prayer for all women who walk through it who still live in the shadows, are coming out of them, and those who are survivors. I'm rather excited about it.

That's all.

14 April 2008

its the little things...

I am excited at the prospect at a few theology acquaintances that have amazing things to think may end up at Duke in a few years, as I [hopefully] will. I find lots of hope in that...

13 April 2008


I had lots of ideas of what I was going to write about in this blog whilst I was avoiding working on homework for just this moment. I guess all I have to say is that I really need help from God and others to get through this, even though just typing as a heading for my notes 'Types of Abuse against Women' makes me a little nauseous. Please pray for me, I really don't know if I have the strength to do this on my own. Ask me to let you in, if you are willing--that will do more for me than anyone could ever imagine.

I think I'm justified smoking until all of this is over. But that's just me.

06 April 2008

why is this SO beautiful??

This is what I do when I don't want to write about Kant or Kierkegaard (especially them together).

*tears, weaping ensues...*

last night...

Last night I received more hope and assurance in Christ than I have ever before--I may be healed. I don't know if I am, but I have faith and hope that if we are in Christ, all things will be made new. God spoke to my office family while we were all in prayer last night--God gave Adam prophetic words that brought me to tears. I knew that I was experiencing 'church' last night, for I was surrounded by love and grace and acceptance, which was fueled by the Spirit of God that we chose to lean out into.

I suppose this is what I get for listening to God: terrifying, challenging, and beautiful intimacy with other--the intimacy that I know I need in order to heal. I'm stilling living in anxiety about this movement God is doing right now: I go wake up feeling awkward and anxious and regretful, though I laid my head on my pillow the night before with a peace that surpasses all understanding. I know that I am being formed: God reminded me that discipleship in Christ does not mean that God does not remove pain from our lives or bodies, but blesses it, so that we may stand, or sit, or lie besides those who hurt most in the world. I pray that God blesses this internal pain to my body, that I never forget it, so that others may experience Christ when I am with them, as part of His body.

I also pray that grace supersedes my doubts, and that Andrew is fully healed as well. May it be so--amen.

03 April 2008

Senior Sem.

("The cross of the Church should always bear the image of the crucified Christ." I'm pretty sure that's the sweetest thing I've ever written.)

I am currently (literally, like, right now) working on the section my Senior Seminar thesis about the Church as the Body of Christ, and what it means to live a Eucharistic lifestyle. If this does not make any sense to you in the off-set, then the following part of it will not help illuminate that in the least. Or maybe it will...anyway, read this and tell me what you think.

Therefore, as the living, breathing Body of Christ, the church enacts the liturgy of the Eucharist not only during Sunday gathering, but also throughout the week by ministering to the world “after the fashion of Christ”, bearing testimony to Him and His Kingdom . We are to bring the life of Christ to the world, the life of His future Kingdom, and we do this by modeling the life of Christ: we enter into the places that no one else will stoop down to, befriend those who are not allowed to be fully human, and insist that the legitimacy of the social forces that allow for these very situations be called into question. Jesus’ social ethics are to be normative for the Church, including the ‘ethic’ of the cross. Jesus Christ lived so pervasively against the Powers the Be that he was killed, and, inevitably, the Church as the Body of Christ in the world will come up against the same powers: as Cavanaugh argues, the very fact that the Church participates “in a communal and public discipline of bodies” of the Eucharist will “be engaged in a direct confrontation with the politics of the world” .

For the Church to ‘count the cost’ of discipleship, we must remember that Jesus said if we would come after Him, we are to “deny [ourselves] and take up [our] cross and follow [Him]” (Mt. 16:24); we are not at liberty to define the meaning of ‘cross’ in regards to how suffering may be manifested in our individual lives—when Jesus said cross, He meant ‘instrument of death’, and when He said ‘follow me’, He was standing on the path that led to Jerusalem. The cross of the Church should always bear the image of the crucified Christ: to be a disciple of Christ and to participate in His Kingdom, we are “to share in that style of life of which the cross is the culmination” , the life of social nonconformity .

However, the Church never forgets that the death of Jesus on the cross was not an expression of the pinnacle of social and metaphysical evil’s power in the world, or a necessary act that ensures individual’s entrance into the Kingdom. The cross was the destiny of Christ, which He accepted; in fact, it was the culmination of His life, His purpose, His ethics, and was the fullness of His glory and “the inauguration of the kingdom”. As Yoder states: “the cross is not a detour or a hurdle on the way to the kingdom, nor it is even the way to the kingdom; it is the kingdom come” . If the Church to be the Body of Christ to the world—living out the lifestyle of the kingdom, the new social ethic, “a new pattern for the human community” made possible by the cross, then it must live and work in anticipation of the suffering and death that comes as a direct result of coming up against the powers of this world.

01 April 2008


"But as he descended the hill, a sadness came upon him, and he thought in his heart: How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city. Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache. It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands. Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and with thirst.

Yet I cannot tarry longer."
-Kahlil Gibran

P.S. favorite quote from chapel this year, by far:
"Girl, let me tell you: "ooohh, he's so hot!" But so are the pits of hell!!!"

P.P.S. this may be my least favorite quote:
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man will have to seek Him to find her." What the hell does that even mean??!!