(will be elaborated on, once i have time to breathe....)
Here are some recent developments in my life:
*I drink WAY too much coffee. I'll pay for the shitty Pura Vida home brew, just because it's cheap and gets the job done.
*I love running? And miss it when I can't do it? Who am I???
*Oxford made me a bad student, or at least a good procrastinator, and senioritis is making me apathetic, so I don't get my homework done on time, skip class and chapel, and basically give a real birdie to the authority of APU. I even take unopened drinks into the library.
*There's a boy for whom I will go out of my way to make sure I run into. Nothing more, nothing less...
*I'm writing the word 'gold' on my hand every day. It's a reminder that I'm worth that much.
These two songs are characterizing my life this week:
"This and that" by Denison Witmer ("All of the words keep coming/for me to settle down...she sits on the bed/she's so beautiful/she thinks that I'll be scared of what she's feeling...I'm feeling like this/if you can live with that.")
"Silver Lining" by Rio Kiley ("Oh, I'm not going back...I was your silver lining/but now I'm gold.")
14 February 2008
12 February 2008
I finally got the song...
This is how it went down:
all of the words keep coming
for me to settle down
but i think i heard us falling
before we hit the ground
so much for my dark takes
on how we got this far
funny that we can't make a thing
of what we really are
* she sits on the bed
she's so beautiful
she thinks i'll be scared of what she's feeling
it's time you ought to know
time you had the facts,
"i'm feeling like this, if you can live with that."
i don't believe in some things
like living for myself
and i don't believe in loving
unless there's someone else
--Denison Witmer, 'This and That'
all of the words keep coming
for me to settle down
but i think i heard us falling
before we hit the ground
so much for my dark takes
on how we got this far
funny that we can't make a thing
of what we really are
* she sits on the bed
she's so beautiful
she thinks i'll be scared of what she's feeling
it's time you ought to know
time you had the facts,
"i'm feeling like this, if you can live with that."
i don't believe in some things
like living for myself
and i don't believe in loving
unless there's someone else
--Denison Witmer, 'This and That'
11 February 2008
marriage
(excerpt from my journal entry written in church last night)
Finding a spouse seems like such an arduous, impossible task. A husband, sure, no problem, I can do that. Look pretty, promise fidelity, and savor in the shared passions, food tastes, and moral fortitude. But to find a spouse, a man who is willing to hold my hand as we walk towards the cross together, to never loose sight, to go out into God's coming Kingdom, to run to Jesus? And perhaps start holding some children in our arms while continuing along the path, standing erect in the face of voiced good-intentioned advice and concerns of family members and greater society, tattooing the conviction of the cross on our bodies, which we are wholly willing to sacrifice. How can we find each other (I am concerned with sheer ability here)? How can two people, who are equally willing to commit themselves to each other's discipleship, find each other?
This is what I think Christian marriage should be. I am not so assured in my impending own. What a choice to make...
Finding a spouse seems like such an arduous, impossible task. A husband, sure, no problem, I can do that. Look pretty, promise fidelity, and savor in the shared passions, food tastes, and moral fortitude. But to find a spouse, a man who is willing to hold my hand as we walk towards the cross together, to never loose sight, to go out into God's coming Kingdom, to run to Jesus? And perhaps start holding some children in our arms while continuing along the path, standing erect in the face of voiced good-intentioned advice and concerns of family members and greater society, tattooing the conviction of the cross on our bodies, which we are wholly willing to sacrifice. How can we find each other (I am concerned with sheer ability here)? How can two people, who are equally willing to commit themselves to each other's discipleship, find each other?
This is what I think Christian marriage should be. I am not so assured in my impending own. What a choice to make...
10 February 2008
here i am
Might I be pretentious enough to assume that you would want to get to know me? I guess if you are reading my blog, then perhaps you have some latent interest to the inter-workings of the woman that is Melanie Kayla Dosen ('cause, really...I don't think I'm that interesting to listen to unless you want to know what's going on in my life). So, for you, whoever you are out there, I've composed a list of songs that I'm convinced were written for me. (Yes, John and Paul wrote a song for me about 20 years before I was born. I'm that fantastic.)
Anyway, my beloved fans (or stalkers), here is a tentative list of songs you should listen to if you really want to get to know me. I'm pretty sure they speak well for themselves. For all you gentlemen out there, here's a freebee: if you listen to this list and actually apply it in conversation and interaction with me, you've pretty much found the way to my heart. That, and puppies. The later actually probably holds more weight.
To quote Misty Jo Wise: "You're hilarious, Mellie Poo."
I know, Misty, I know.
Here ye go:
"Save the People" from Godspell
"Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek
"Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole" by Martha Wainwright
"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, as preformed by Rufus Wainwright (not Jeff Buckley, I know. judge away.)
"Sparrow" by Simon & Garfunkel
"I Like Giants" by Kimya Dawson
"Empty" by Ray LaMontagne
"Paper Doll" by Denison Witmer, as preformed by Rosie Thomas
"Blackbird" by The Beatles
(I've just about bared my soul on the internet. Gross...)
Anyway, my beloved fans (or stalkers), here is a tentative list of songs you should listen to if you really want to get to know me. I'm pretty sure they speak well for themselves. For all you gentlemen out there, here's a freebee: if you listen to this list and actually apply it in conversation and interaction with me, you've pretty much found the way to my heart. That, and puppies. The later actually probably holds more weight.
To quote Misty Jo Wise: "You're hilarious, Mellie Poo."
I know, Misty, I know.
Here ye go:
"Save the People" from Godspell
"Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek
"Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole" by Martha Wainwright
"Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, as preformed by Rufus Wainwright (not Jeff Buckley, I know. judge away.)
"Sparrow" by Simon & Garfunkel
"I Like Giants" by Kimya Dawson
"Empty" by Ray LaMontagne
"Paper Doll" by Denison Witmer, as preformed by Rosie Thomas
"Blackbird" by The Beatles
(I've just about bared my soul on the internet. Gross...)
23 January 2008
Smokes, rain, and therapy
I'm pretty sure that is the best title ever...
These three things are happening in my life right now. One of them I am proud of myself for doing; one, not so much, but I am excusing it by proclaiming (that's right, a proclamation) that it's my right, and I need a little escapism once in awhile. and i'll stop when i move home in 3ish months. The third I have absolutely control over and I am just happy it's happening right now, because I am thankful that our environment can still produce rain and it reminds me of England.
But yeah, life is interesting right now; I write a semi-colon instead of colon because I'm never quite sure just exactly how to qualify and justify that statement. Really great, amazing, God-graced things are happening; really hard, awful, emotionally draining things are occurring too. Some of those things are one in the same. I guess these feelings must rival with a prisoner's who's wrists are finally let free from years in chains: the new-found grace and freedom of movement is exhilarating, but they still have to acknowledge the bare wounds and pain that is a result of being entrapped for so long. (And for those of you who are aware of the still-pretty-new changes in my life, that is NOT what I am referring to. Let's just say I am not going to counseling to talk about my recent break up....)
I'm really hopeful for the future. I am hopeful for where I go next. I am hopeful for new people that I get to meet and for the new relationships that develop. I am hopeful for the disciple of Christ that I am becoming, even though it, frankly (like I'm never not frank), it scares the shit out of me. I am thankful to regain that pure joy in life and in the Lord that I have not experienced for years.
In sum, these two things are defining my life right now:
by far the best album in my life right now...
aaaannnddd, this. oh this:
read this. that's all i have to say. read this and i will talk you through it, if you want.
anyway, that's it. i dearly, genuinely love you all. and if i don't know you, i'm sure i will love you once we get to know each other.
peace.
These three things are happening in my life right now. One of them I am proud of myself for doing; one, not so much, but I am excusing it by proclaiming (that's right, a proclamation) that it's my right, and I need a little escapism once in awhile. and i'll stop when i move home in 3ish months. The third I have absolutely control over and I am just happy it's happening right now, because I am thankful that our environment can still produce rain and it reminds me of England.
But yeah, life is interesting right now; I write a semi-colon instead of colon because I'm never quite sure just exactly how to qualify and justify that statement. Really great, amazing, God-graced things are happening; really hard, awful, emotionally draining things are occurring too. Some of those things are one in the same. I guess these feelings must rival with a prisoner's who's wrists are finally let free from years in chains: the new-found grace and freedom of movement is exhilarating, but they still have to acknowledge the bare wounds and pain that is a result of being entrapped for so long. (And for those of you who are aware of the still-pretty-new changes in my life, that is NOT what I am referring to. Let's just say I am not going to counseling to talk about my recent break up....)
I'm really hopeful for the future. I am hopeful for where I go next. I am hopeful for new people that I get to meet and for the new relationships that develop. I am hopeful for the disciple of Christ that I am becoming, even though it, frankly (like I'm never not frank), it scares the shit out of me. I am thankful to regain that pure joy in life and in the Lord that I have not experienced for years.
In sum, these two things are defining my life right now:
by far the best album in my life right now...
aaaannnddd, this. oh this:
read this. that's all i have to say. read this and i will talk you through it, if you want.
anyway, that's it. i dearly, genuinely love you all. and if i don't know you, i'm sure i will love you once we get to know each other.
peace.
09 January 2008
I'm convinced I'm going crazy
It is far too late to be writing this right now. I should be, oh, I don't know, reading for my THREE research papers I have this term!! Welcome back to the States...
But, actually, I am feeling really good about this semester: I've made so many changes in my life, my goals are completely different than they were 6 months ago, and my aim in life has greatly altered, so it's nice to only fit two huge time commitments--school and work--in my life. I need time to breathe, to reflect, and to pray. Lots of prayer. I've been neglecting that for awhile, it's time I jump on board again.
But, yes, craziness: I think I might apply for an interdisciplinary postgraduate program in Medieval Studies at the University of Bristol, among other schools. I know, what? Medieval? Since when? I told you, I'm crazy. I can't explain why this is exciting to me. This whole, I'm going to apply to theology school and become a theology professor (let alone in England) is just plain insane: I feel so inadequate and ill-equipped to do it. Who do I think I am? My prayer is that the constant tugging of my heart towards this path is of God and not of myself, not of my innate desire to fill the void in my heart that I recently vacated. I know what we do isn't what the Christian life is all about: it's who we are; but, still, I think who we are is deeply reflected in the decisions we make, and the risks we are willing to take. I can't tell you how a Masters in Medieval Studies would help anybody in the world, really, but I wonder if our relationship to the world and our vocation has a cause and effect relationship like that. Also, who's to say it doesn't?--history is essentially to understanding who we are, especially if it concerns our worldview. And, like my friend pointed out to me tonight, I have at least a year to contemplate what this deal is all about with grad school and if this is the right path for me, whatever that means. I really would like to stop trying to justify every action I make that doesn't involve me moving to Peru or Botswana or Calcutta to being a good person. This is all self-inflicted, but I do have a twinge of guilt in my heart every time I think about how I'm not doing that. And how I don't want to do that, particularly. And how I want that to be okay.
But, actually, I am feeling really good about this semester: I've made so many changes in my life, my goals are completely different than they were 6 months ago, and my aim in life has greatly altered, so it's nice to only fit two huge time commitments--school and work--in my life. I need time to breathe, to reflect, and to pray. Lots of prayer. I've been neglecting that for awhile, it's time I jump on board again.
But, yes, craziness: I think I might apply for an interdisciplinary postgraduate program in Medieval Studies at the University of Bristol, among other schools. I know, what? Medieval? Since when? I told you, I'm crazy. I can't explain why this is exciting to me. This whole, I'm going to apply to theology school and become a theology professor (let alone in England) is just plain insane: I feel so inadequate and ill-equipped to do it. Who do I think I am? My prayer is that the constant tugging of my heart towards this path is of God and not of myself, not of my innate desire to fill the void in my heart that I recently vacated. I know what we do isn't what the Christian life is all about: it's who we are; but, still, I think who we are is deeply reflected in the decisions we make, and the risks we are willing to take. I can't tell you how a Masters in Medieval Studies would help anybody in the world, really, but I wonder if our relationship to the world and our vocation has a cause and effect relationship like that. Also, who's to say it doesn't?--history is essentially to understanding who we are, especially if it concerns our worldview. And, like my friend pointed out to me tonight, I have at least a year to contemplate what this deal is all about with grad school and if this is the right path for me, whatever that means. I really would like to stop trying to justify every action I make that doesn't involve me moving to Peru or Botswana or Calcutta to being a good person. This is all self-inflicted, but I do have a twinge of guilt in my heart every time I think about how I'm not doing that. And how I don't want to do that, particularly. And how I want that to be okay.
03 December 2007
new army!!
Haha, I stole this from Angela's facebook. I have way more school spirit here in Oxford than I do back at home...can you blame me?
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