When things from long ago suddenly make sense again...

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

Yeah

Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)

Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
Mercy
Your mercy

Happy Lent

I got up at 6:15 this morning.  There was no sunrise to behold, but the singing of the birds gave me hope for a new day...

I read the daily readings for the Lenten season from the Book of Common Prayer this morning, along with Nouwen's Show Me the Way; the readings from Nouwen and from the Word were both of grace and discernment--a call to live in the mercy of God in belief of this silly freedom in forgiveness we adhere to.  Hebrews 12:1-14  left me a little jaded, though--I still can't quite grasp the concept that God has us go through trials and periods of suffering as a means to better ourselves to be with God.  This is something I struggled with when I first read Wesley's A Plain Account of Christian Perfectionism: if suffering is of God because that is the path God chose, then how do those who are forced to suffer great things every day read Hebrews 12:1-14.  In some ways, how do I read that passage?  Have these great things I've suffered been purposeful so that 'I may be more like Him', or something?  I can't help but jump to a Neo-Marxist paradigm when reading this, though: it just seems like a good method of keeping the suffering in society in their place.

Obviously, I need a little enlightenment and Biblical interpretation here.  Please, if you can help illuminate this passage in the Holy Word of God for me, I would greatly appreciate it.  May we always hope in things unseen...

P.S.

February is going to kick Jan's ass in number of postings!  Five days left, and I've already caught up.  Uhhhh!

I'm sure this has been done before,

but I'm still gonna play around with it...

Sporadic rendition of a modern love letter.  

I kno that technology isnt the best wayof saying it, but I rally luv u. Alot.
Is luv alwys precise and carful? Isnt it a outpourig of the heart? I hope our childrn and grandchilren dont look at our emails someday and thnik, ‘i don know if he


contd.really luved her, because he wouldnt spell it right’. I hope they think, he luved her so much he couldnt wait for grammar to catch up.” Or sumthing like that. Ok, srry for such a

contd.long text, but i hope it makes u smile. ;)

I don't know, I'd love to receive this someday...

I'm a delight?

I had my 90-day review at work today...90 days late. :)

It went really well--to put it immodestly, they sang my praises.  They told me that the things I do, really without thinking about them, are great and an example to others, yadda yadda.  It was weird, because I don't really feel as if I try really hard at this job.  I try to be patient, all the time.  I try to think about everything I do before I do it, all the time.  I try to keep my snarkyness and cynicism at bay, as much as possible.  (haha).  But this job really seems to be a natural extension of, well...me.  And my review with my supervisors sort of confirmed that.

So, I don't know what is more scary: not knowing where you are going to go with your life, or to be at the place you might end up. 

(I purposely switched the word "like" with the phrase "as if" in this post because of Danica and Matt...now I won't be able to, as if, use that word, as if, you know...as if, without thinking about how, you know...as if...how stupid I sound when I say it.)

Things to remember...

Art can be a gift to the world or a personal expression of the soul. If it can be imagined, it's poetry...

It's not that you aren't good enough for him/her. In fact, it's usually the opposite...

A natural, organic love for the rejected emerges when you adopt their identity...

God meets the created in birth, water, and wind...

Hope is not naive. It may be the purest form of worship of all...

I will pay someone to design my tattoo

Talking about it in my second edition of "25 things about me" list made me realize that I am really ready to do it.  I've been thinking about it for over a year, with different elements fading and changing, but this design is the one I keep coming back to.  I think it's a great testament to the journey I've been on--where God has taken me and where I hope and pray to go.  

SO, if you or anyone else feels like they want to design it for the monays, let me know!  Here is what I want again:

Sparrow and Blackbird (from left to right) holding up a banner that reads Dum Spiro Spero ("While I breathe, I hope" in Latin).  This will be on my left shoulder blade, or in that approximate vicinity.  

 

Oh. And I impulsively got a hair cut. You likey?

And that is after sleeping on it. Not bad, eh?

"I am blessed to be a witness."

I just really love God and the Crucified Son so much.  And I don't dwell in that enough--yet I am still given wonderful little reminders about why I love Jesus day in and day out.  

That's all. 

Corcovado parted the sky
And through the darkness
On us he shined
Crucified in stone
Still his blood is my own
Glory behold all my eyes have seen
Have seen

"Hold me, my world is closing; help me to keep it open..."

I just really feel that these lyrics by Denison Witmer are really pertinent to small but great quest of healing and understanding I'm on.  Counselor and I talked about what it would look like to invite more people into my story tonight, instead of it carrying it in that safe quiet place in my brain that I have been storing it.  That concept absolutely terrifies me, and articulating why is exhausting in equal weight, right now.  There are some things we've carried for so long, our muscles have fused with the burdens they bear, and we fear what we will look like if we give it up.  Sometimes, feelings run so deeply, we wonder if God will stoop so low to bless them, so we don't offer them at all in fear that we are right.  

My hope is that I am being walked with, even though I can't want it or feel it there.  

I wish my blog was more relevant to the mass public.  It's a rather selfish (like 'self...ish?') blog, if ya think about it.  I'll probably start a new one soon--so look out for....

Pies and Sci Fi! Awesome Science Fiction commentary by two intelligent, thoughtful, witty, and beautiful women! Pie Recipes! Impressive html'ing! Yes!

Coming to a blog near you in 2009!