06 April 2008

last night...

Last night I received more hope and assurance in Christ than I have ever before--I may be healed. I don't know if I am, but I have faith and hope that if we are in Christ, all things will be made new. God spoke to my office family while we were all in prayer last night--God gave Adam prophetic words that brought me to tears. I knew that I was experiencing 'church' last night, for I was surrounded by love and grace and acceptance, which was fueled by the Spirit of God that we chose to lean out into.

I suppose this is what I get for listening to God: terrifying, challenging, and beautiful intimacy with other--the intimacy that I know I need in order to heal. I'm stilling living in anxiety about this movement God is doing right now: I go wake up feeling awkward and anxious and regretful, though I laid my head on my pillow the night before with a peace that surpasses all understanding. I know that I am being formed: God reminded me that discipleship in Christ does not mean that God does not remove pain from our lives or bodies, but blesses it, so that we may stand, or sit, or lie besides those who hurt most in the world. I pray that God blesses this internal pain to my body, that I never forget it, so that others may experience Christ when I am with them, as part of His body.

I also pray that grace supersedes my doubts, and that Andrew is fully healed as well. May it be so--amen.

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