The Belly of the Beast

So, I'm doing it. I'm applying to Starb-b-b...*sigh*. Starbucks.

Is this the final end? Have I finally and ultimately conceded to my monetary and self-sustaining "needs" rather than holding fast to my ideals and desire to be a pervasive difference in the world? As much as I am attempting to express my upper-middle class social angst here, truth is, I don't really feel all that bad. The economy sucks, I need another job, and Starbucks is hiring. It's that plain and simple.

Right now, I'm subconsciously trying to grapple with true dependency on God, and the distinctions that exist in that state (or, rather, attempt). Honestly, my lack of consistent housing and adequate income since graduation in May has really made me swallow my pride and American self-sufficient tendencies and lean out into God and my community for care and help. And, God and my community have responded, and I've been cared for (albeit, there is a last-minute pattern for each of these circumstances, as if our Lord is trying to make a point or something). This is beautiful. Read that sentence again, and say it slowly: this. is. beautiful. As stressful as it can be, I almost would prefer this state for the rest of my life rather than anything steady and calculated. It invites adventure: I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing in the next few weeks. It also invites a deeper connection with others, which occurs when we learn to remove our "selves" from ourselves and learn to how to operate holistically with our community. And it most assuredly promotes a much more consistent prayer life. :)

Perhaps, then, applying to work at Starbucks doesn't conflict with my newly adapted lifestyle, as I am forced to (once again), swallow my middle-class, educated, "socially responsible" pride, and work. And really work. Not sit at a desk all day, but be on my feet, preparing things for others. As hip as they may be, coffee Baristas are still blue-collar jobs (perhaps the collar is just popped? Or something else more congruent with the fashion trends as of late?). And that's humble, or something? But not really--maybe it's just an attempt for me to slowly peel away the very middle-class concept that I am "better" than certain jobs because of...whatever. A concept that I've been inbred to believe. ( I understand that this paragraph vividly reflects that I still am very much operating out of this paradigm, but hopefully also expresses that its a paradigm that I very much wish to shift away from. Quickly. Any help in that is accepted).

And, I don't have as strong ethical contentions against Starbucks, unlike the other corporate monsters out there like Wal Mart and Micky D's, aside from their infrequent if at all use of fair trade coffee. I don't like how harmful (devastating, even) the coffee industry is to local farmers, but I'm not sure notworking at Starbucks can rectify that. Suggesting that customers purchase the fair trade option perhaps can?

All in all, my qualms aren't potent enough to keep me from applying for this second job. I believe that God will provide for me, miraculously, if need be, but I also know I'm not "better" than Starbucks. Plus, those iced soy lattes with sugar-free cinnamon dulce syrup are soooo goood...

So, that's it I guess. Hand me a black hat and one of those charming green aprons: I'm heading into the Belly of the Beast. If I get hired, I'll donate all my free pounds of coffee to charity.