#6 hair, Feeling health

Last month, I decided on a whim that I am going to stop washing my hair with shampoo. I first considered it awhile ago, when thinking about how unnecessary it is to wash our hair so frequently, and to purchase so much shampoo and conditioner comprised of chemicals, only because a clever marketing campaign in the 1970's succeeded in integrating the habit into our social psyche. And I am a sucker for being stubborn and rebelling against clever marketing campaigns, for better or for worse. I wish my anti-commercialism is what drove me to say "screw the 'poo", but such is not the case: the turning point, I have to admit, was when I broke out in a thorough rash all over my upper body due to an allergic reaction I had to herbal shampoo I was experimenting with.

At the end of the day, it would've been difficult for me to stop using shampoo or alter my grooming ritual, because I really care about what my hair looks like. And, the best thing is, I can make my hair do what I want it to do, when I want it to do it! My very specific, mousey-brown, curly-waveyish, thin hair can change to any color, any length, or any texture in an instance at the whim of my mood at the moment. I have ultimate power to immediately change something about my hair if I don't like it, and that's not a power distributed to many of the other elements that comprise my appearance--or, my life in general. Though it may be a facade, my control over my hair often signifies an ultimate control over everything--that I have it all together.

So, why did I relinquish that power to flippant fancies of my hair follicles and scalp pores? Well, I felt like it was worth it: it was worth letting go, experimenting, and letting my hair be what it naturally wants to be. A few friends of mine use baking soda to clean their hair twice a week or so, sometimes with an apple cider vinegar rinse, so I decided to follow suit. And I will never go back, because for the first time since I can remember, I actually like my hair. The curls are more bouncy, the strands are less limp, and the shape looks less like the ears of a Cocker Spaniel. When I got out of the shower today, I pulled my hair back, and thought, "this feels healthy". I don't know if my head exhibits all of the signs of a healthy scalp, but to me, I can feel its health in my hands. I can feel its vibrance and strength. I have given my hair the freedom to do what it wants to do--what it is wired to do.

Thus, my goal #6: Feeling Health, which often derives from just listening to the whispers of your body and allowing it to function as its meant to function. Though images of long, shiny, beautiful hair is advertised right in front of my nose all day, my hair does not like products. All of the expert nutritionists out there can tell me what I should be eating, but only I know what my body wants and needs, and often its not low-fat dairy or processed power bars. And, my body knows that it does not like be run down by a busy day, and will make sure I remember that when it demands more sleep the next morning. I have to learn to not feel guilty about my body, or my hair, not looking like or performing to some standard that I think it is supposed to. Instead, I must listen to my body, and give it what it wants--which turns out to be baking soda washes for the hair, minimal makeup for the face, and lots (and lots) of kale for the digestive system. This year, I will give my body the permission to be healthy in the way that it was created to be (which seems to be retaining curves and rather frizzy hair). Rather than singling out parts of my body to fix and manipulate, I will put down the pieces, step back, and let it do its thing. And when I do that, I am always, always satisfied.

And in case you were trying to imagine what my hair used to look like frequently, here's a nice visualization:

Note the ears.

Bearing patience...

To Self: "No no no no, stop it stop it stop it stop it! It can't happen. Not right now."

Right? You all know the feeling: the constant dichotomy of wants and reality, always fighting against the need to concede. Or, fighting against conceding.

What does it meant to be OK in the place and space where you are, while yet leaving room to dream? How do we live faithfully in a place where we must wait, though patience is arduous, leaving little left to look and see (really see) what's around you? I have a hard time living beyond my desires that distract me, sometimes. I wonder what it would look like to walk along your side of the street with the greener side in full view, feeling free to smile and even whistle in your current stride...

I wrote this a while back with the memory of England, my once home, weighing heavily on my heart:

With windows down I stick my face outside to be flitted by the wind.
My hair trails behind me, and I let one or two strands be stolen
so that a piece of me will fly away to places I've never dreamed of, and there I will be where I cannot.

Faith in the waiting. Lord, teach us your ways...

[Prayer 2]

Lord, deliver me from the powers that would seduce me into desiring greatness,
and have me seek identification with the forgotten,
following in Your example:
for though You are in the very nature of God,
You did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
and made yourself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant (Philippians 2:5).

Make me nothing--
nothing of myself, and all of You.
May my life be nothing of a constant prayer,
an offering to You.
Help me to living the mystery of your coming Kingdom
and to momently partake in you present Body.
Consume me, Lord, so that I may be consumed by others.

I pray not only that the meditations of my heart and words of my mouth bring You glory,
but also the works of my hands and the steps of my path.
May I live not for substantial movement and change,
but be guided by the hope for miracles.


I am not voting. But I will pray and fast.

[prayer 1]

Lord of all that was, is, and is to come, grant us the grace to live outside of ourselves.

In a world that promotes individualistic ideology and self-fulfilling consumeristic tendencies, may we as your people be audacious enough to live lifestyles that pervasively speak against a culture that seeks to fragment and disconnect us. May Your Holy Spirit give enough fortitude to reduce the noise of self-obsession that permeates our lives so we are able to hear the whimpers of the suffering. Give us the courage to leave the paths that lead to success, comfort, and safety, and walk together on the rocky path that Jesus Your Son and our Savior walked, facing the Cross and Kingdom. Turn our heads away from facing our impending futures, personal goals, and plans of self-promotion to face the poor, broken, and discarded that sit and lie next to us every day.

Create us to be a Body, affix us together, so that we are no longer ourselves, but Christ who lives in us. Give us the great privilege of being Jesus, the Body of Christ, the Crucified One who was buried, the Risen Savior who makes all things new, to the world. We pray in hope and for hope for the establishment of Your future eternal Kingdom, but ask that You give us the grace and strength to live as though we are living in it today.

"Waiting on the Lord"

Today at the Taize service at University Church (St. Mary's is the proper name, but there are so many St. Mary's around this city Oxfordians can't keep them strait and rename them) I had a neat little vision, so to speak. There was probably less than twenty of us sitting in the back chapel admist the enormity of this huge Norman-style cathedral, the lack of mass creating this intense echo that a slight cough or rustle of paper reverberated throughout the whole building. We sang our hymns in rounds, we sat in prayerful silence, and, for me at least, felt the somber reality that so few were worshiping in so large of place lay over me like a light blanket. I could go on about how empty cathedrals feel in Europe because so little hearts are turned towards them and the God the house, but my newly self-proclaimed religious belief is Hope: the audacious, absurd, and sometimes reluctant hope in the Lord, so my focus will be on the hopefulness of the situation. But anyway, the emptyness of the building and the faithfullness of the congregants gathered and the title of the hymn--"Waiting on the Lord"--gave me a slight vision of the early church, sitting together in small groups, unwelcomed or rejected, by the "outside" world, waiting on the Lord, their Hope and Vision. Granted, I don't know if our congregants are "growing in numbers everyday" like the 1st century church did, but I really believe the faith of the parish is strong and their devotion sincere. The name "gregory"--which comes from the Greek word "to wait, to be viligent"--kept coming to mind. As I recall from my Life and Teachings class last year, "Gregorio" (?--I guess? I surely wan't Gregory) was the most common name amongst 1st century Palestinian Christian as they were constently anticipating the return of Christ.
One time my dear friend Misty told me that what we are to do as Christians is simply wait--we anticipate the coming Kingdom of Christ while operating like it's already here. Regardless if you think that we are waiting to move from this reality to enter into a more "real" reality, or if you think the New Jerusalem will be on this Earth, we still all need to be operating as if we are experiencing this reality now--which means loving, giving, praying like there is no tomorrow. And living in the faith and hope that God will come, will act, will respond to our faithful actions and humble prayers.

Epiphany in the Library

I was sitting in the library tonight, quite unproductively, when God graced me with one of those precious moments when the greatness of eternity reveals itself slightly in the temporal experience, and I got "it". I was thinking about equality, and what that means in the world's standards in politics, economics, and society, and whether that holds ground in society and, especially, in Christianity. So, this is what I figured out; the argument isn't fluid, and there is so much more I want to add and consider, but this is the philosophical/theolgical garble that came out, for your enjoyment.

There is no equality in God's Kingdom--none at all.
There is only vast, ever-expanding inequality: first, starting with Christ, Who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, made Himself unequal with His bretheren, placing their needs and concerns before His own. You see, we are very much unequal with God, in all Glory and Wonder, understands inequality with far more depth than we can ever imagine, becoming its manifestation as Immanuel.

We are to respond by promoting inequality amongst our sisters and brothers: not considering eqaulity with their selves something to be grasped, we are to put ourselves in the most unequal positions before them as our Gracious God allows it, responding and acting to their needs and cares with so much more urgency and attentiveness than our own. Equality, in the sense that everyone is taken care of only occurs when we are all prioritizing the care of others before ourselves. We do not promote the rights of others in the Kingdom; we live out the rights of others, without demanding or giving a second thought to whether our own rights are being taken care of. The Kingdom of God is radically equal, for equality is only gained when all are made unequal with each other.